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The kid with the biggest unit.
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| I need to get some writing done. |
[Sep. 16th, 2006|03:35 pm] |
Hi readers,
I need some advice, I just got done deleting Maggie from everything in my digital life which is at this time our only mode of conversation or way that I can know anything about her. I've convinced myself that I don't care and I'm done, knowing that I'm only on the run from the well of feelings that washes through me whenever I get in a rut about everything and start feeling bad for myself. I think this is a good thing and I'll let time divide to reach out to her when the pain has subsided. This is going on 4 months now this has been like this and I'm still stuck in the muck unable to grow as a person. I want to write this EP and show everyone what I have. I have a lot coming in the future and I hope it's better than the past which I thought was the top. I will probably write in this more now than ever because I like it and this typing will be here forever to look back upon.
Have a great day, Colin |
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| Yadda Yadda |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|09:34 am] |
Hi.
I played a show tonight for the very first time and I had a wonderful time. My friends were there and people clapped and we didn't screw up too much and it was awesome. I think the band will take a small break now that we've had practice for like 5 days straight now and we're all a little burnt out. I don't know why but I felt like I wanted to update this tonight probably because I haven't in an extreme amount of time and I have things in my head. A lot of stuff in my life should bring me down and make me not a very productive person but I seem to overcome it, it's always been like that which makes me really glad that I can. Whenever shit with my family happens or the shit that happened more recently happened I can usually just go out and have a good time and even talk about it without having it bring me down. Man did I get my heart torn out, the more I think about it, the more shittily I realize she did everything. I really don't want to be whinny and I really want to be completely over her and forget her name so fucking terribly bad. I've been on a mission for awhile to be outgoing in meeting new people and to clear up shitty relationships where I don't talk to the other person and we never have a conversation but they're around and we both know eachother. I really only genuinly dislike about a handful of people and I like to think for good reason but even that I wish I could clear up even though I probably couldn't with at least one of them because she's to stubborn and has a gigantic ego. This journal entry is really only for me and I can't imagine anyone wanting to read these thoughts coming out of my head in no pattern or structure. I can't wait to play more shows, that will be some good times. meeting girls is quite alright and I hope to put myself out there as much as possible and hope to come out of this better off than her but from what I'm hearing and witnessing that would be hard at all. Getting little kids drunk, that's fucking low, haha. If you read through this whole thing and you're not the girl I'm hankering to then I commend you and you must really care about me, thanks.
Love, Colin |
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| 1..2..Begin. |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|11:08 pm] |
To Whomever it may concern,
Well, today/yesterday marks the end of me and hopefully the begining of me. If you would like to be apart of my new life then I'm waiting with open arms, I realize now the way I have been and the actions I did that were completely wrong. I can only hope that there are people out there that will "take me under their wing" I know there are people out there that I only need to give a chance to and I plan on doing just that. please help me.
Yours Truely,
Colin Geoffrey Blumer |
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[Jun. 7th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
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It's a wierd feeling to be despised by people for no apparent reason. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2006|06:27 am] |
Man I am out of sorts, in every aspect of this thing I dredge along in called my life. The best thing that ever happened to me, I fully believe it is, has come to an indefinite end and it's demise isn't within my power. All of my conclusions regarding the reasoning behind this happening are entirely speculation. It's like I have a rough sketch of the inside of her head and her feelings, some lines are definite and others are quite unclear. She wants to be "free", that statement really gets to me because if she sees being in our relationship as un-free or being chained-down then she's better off without me. She tells me that I didn't do anything to bring these feelings about but there has to be something because we were on the way up (I thought) after being on a break for a week and then one afternoon something clicks in her head and she decides that she's better off without me. As of right now I want to be with her very badly and I want to work to make things better than they've ever been but she doesn't allow us seeing each other outside of the default times at school. I try to break this down and wrap it around my head to her but whenever I do she always tells me that I'm wrong with my thinking, always my interpretation is wrong.
This fallen relationship was the biggest piece in the puzzle of my life, now I feel so wrong and so fucking lonely. Before, I didn't have many friends and had a lot of time to myself but now it's beyond that even. I now contemplate open-enrolling to a different high school for senior year and the choice is mine. Being single has been a failure so far, I don't know what to do or how to do anything, I was completely dependent on her love and always, always looked forward to every chance I had with her and loved just knowing I had this powerful link with another person.
My time of being the pathetic boyfriend that just rolls with her feelings is ending soon, she wants things outside of me and possibly another person. I would be more than willing to give her time for bonding with her friends, I know she really wants a best friend again and I want her to have one just as bad as I want her back. I can't be sad everyday for much longer without something happening, positive or negative, the monotony of having a breakdown every night must end.
I'm lost without her, so fucking lost. |
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